New client!

Setting: A lawyer's conference room. There is a large table, some chairs, pens in the middle of the table, and a box of Kleenex. The Kleenex were placed in there by me, because I'm tired of having to go grab them when a sob-story starts crying. I'm meeting a new client today. It goes like this:

My client, "Wanda," walks in with two of her friends. One is actually her cousin, a woman who is ~50, with bleach-blong hair that flows down to the middle of her back. She would be quite attractive, but she's missing teeth, it's a bad die-job, and she has more makeup on than a clown. Oh, and she's 50. But I digress. Wanda's other friend, however, looks relatively normal. Her hair is going everywhere, but she's nice enough and appears intelligent...if only she'd shut the fuck up long enough for me to finish my convo with my client.

My client is charged with a simple domestic.  Meaning, she got into a fight w/ her spouse / bf / live-in partner, but there wasn't enough harm to give rise to a more serious charge.  In this instance, she is accused of shoving a table at her man, then spitting on him.  I ask her (against my better judgment, but it turned out to be fabulous) what happened, and she vehemently denies all of it.  In fact, she begins to tell me that he's been abusive from the beginning , and she doesn't understand why she hasn't just left him.

It's at this stage that her blond-friend pipes up with, "Yeah, and one time, he kicked her so hard in the face that she pee'd herself!"

Struggling to maintain composure (because, really, will wetting oneself ever become not funny?), I manage to say "Man, that's a hard kick..." before finishing our convo and letting the women go about their day.

Domestic abuse isn't funny folks, but sometimes hearing them makes you smile like going to hell isn't all that bad of an option.